Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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