I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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