Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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