Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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