Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
