Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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