addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
