She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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