a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
