that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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