I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tell your sister to shave her snatch
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
