Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels