If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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