He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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