I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
