the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
