Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
