I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
