I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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