If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my moral compass just broke
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
