every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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