The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
