how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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