So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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