I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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