The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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