No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
