So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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