i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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