so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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