He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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