6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
