yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
