Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
