Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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