Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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