Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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