I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
