i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
