All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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