As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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