Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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