I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dicks are not precious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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