The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
