do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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