3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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