omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
