Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
