that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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