I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This toilet bowl is my home.
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