I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
