great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
