We won't sleep together?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
