New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
