My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
