Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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