You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
