OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
