she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
